...I thought similarly, not all that long ago. Perhaps not for quieting feelings in entirety, but... the changes I had to endure brought their own sorts of safety. A charade of peace for my heart despite everything that I chose to do with it.
It is... not easy. To feel one might ever deserve to come back from all that, let alone accepted in any way.
But changes that we have seen... [A pause, a firm exhale.] ...Changes we still may need to go through... they are still what shapes us. We bear the weight... if not to prevent our own repeating, then perhaps to be there for others to be warned of the same.
Even staring at death and begging for it to end us, we cannot ask the universe why we still have purpose. It does not change that we still are as we are, and that time will continue to pass regardless of our uncertainties.
We live, and we face those uncertainties, and have faith that our purpose will make itself known. That weaving of destiny will never be for the universe to decide, whether we deserve it or not. It will always be on us, and whether we can find our peace.
cw: suicidal ideation
...I thought similarly, not all that long ago. Perhaps not for quieting feelings in entirety, but... the changes I had to endure brought their own sorts of safety. A charade of peace for my heart despite everything that I chose to do with it.
It is... not easy. To feel one might ever deserve to come back from all that, let alone accepted in any way.
But changes that we have seen... [A pause, a firm exhale.] ...Changes we still may need to go through... they are still what shapes us. We bear the weight... if not to prevent our own repeating, then perhaps to be there for others to be warned of the same.
Even staring at death and begging for it to end us, we cannot ask the universe why we still have purpose. It does not change that we still are as we are, and that time will continue to pass regardless of our uncertainties.
We live, and we face those uncertainties, and have faith that our purpose will make itself known. That weaving of destiny will never be for the universe to decide, whether we deserve it or not. It will always be on us, and whether we can find our peace.