[A large part of Fukuda wants to follow those instructions. He doesn't want to suffer, he doesn't want to feel pain.
However, he can't get over that moment where he'd looked down at the tiny form of Vakama and saw himself as a child. The only thing worse than suffering was suffering all alone. Maybe that pain wouldn't have even felt as acute if it had been shared? Maybe he wouldn't have even felt the need to turn the drill on himself if there'd been someone by his side.
He reaches after that hand to take hold of it again.]
You don't think you're cut out to be a hero, well... neither am I. But working together, maybe it won't be so hard?
cw: references to self harm
However, he can't get over that moment where he'd looked down at the tiny form of Vakama and saw himself as a child. The only thing worse than suffering was suffering all alone. Maybe that pain wouldn't have even felt as acute if it had been shared? Maybe he wouldn't have even felt the need to turn the drill on himself if there'd been someone by his side.
He reaches after that hand to take hold of it again.]
You don't think you're cut out to be a hero, well... neither am I. But working together, maybe it won't be so hard?