[His eyes shifted to a cold blue-gray as Viktor thought that over, trying to quantify the unquantifiable. To look at the situation like a chessboard would have vastly simplified it, and yet there were countles factors which made that impossible. Fear, inexperience, both at once; humans were too fallible to be reduced perfectly to strategy and numbers, even if Viktor did consider himself someone with any mind for that sort of strategy.]

I do not see why you should blame yourself. The rest of you all fought with unbelievable tenacity to protect each other, no one can or should fault you for that.